Something Different

I don’t normally do this, but today I am going to write my “Morning Pages” on here. Publicly.

It started out as I went to the coffee shop to do some editing freelance work and didn’t bring a journal to write. These are usually my private thoughts, two pages a day (though I’ve been slacking lately), on whatever comes to mind. Very free-form, free-flow.

What’s on my mind is Hamilton. I have listened to the soundtrack (half-listened) and then went on a youtube rampage (love those!) watching various renditions. My favorite thus far is the main dude, forgot his name, who is the son of an immigrant. He read the biography on Alexander Hamilton, and it inspired him.

I just love spoken word, so I am naturally loving these themes. By the way, no corrections here. No editing of thoughts. Free-form, free-flow. I love it, too, because my name is Alexander. And I relate to the main character as being someone, well, out-spoken. I don’t plan on dying in a duel, though. Yet, I have read some of the Federalist Papers, many of which he penned.

What else? I’m feeling like I’m not accomplishing “enough” lately. I posted a quote on fb that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others; however, that’s not my issue. I think a lot of people, too, we are more influenced by social conditioning than person-to-person comparisons.

And I think these are way more dangerous because they are harder to notice. For example, my arch-nemesis: PRODUCTIVITY. If I get up late, and I’m getting off to a late start, I feel like such a loser/asshole/fraud. But you know what helps a LOT? Morning pages! It helps because it gets out all the shit out of your head that’s just mucking it up. These words don’t matter; it’s just the process of clearing my mind. It’s wonderful. And, it’s true, sometimes something cool pours out while I’m doing it that becomes the basis for a fb post and/or then a blog post.

But this whole productivity thing. Charles Bukowski had a thing or two to say about it. But it’s a hard thing to live. To live as if we don’t have to even abide by society’s norms. Extricating myself is proving challenging. Ugh! What else? I had a short Americano today, and I think it’s a game-changer. Why? Regular drip coffee is too weak. Americanos are usually too weak, as well. But the short Americano… solves all the problems!!!!

What else? (You can see this is how I get myself to keep coming up with more; something new; something that needs to be uncovered.) I feel like I’ve gone a little overboard on posting the conspiracy theory crap lately. It’s too disheartening; it feels like it doesn’t matter. And I truly don’t know what’s true and what’s not. HOWEVER, I still believe it’s valuable to “question everything.” I think we believe too much, too quickly. I’m very trusting of people, but not of institutions.

I wonder what my next blog post will be. Doubtful it will be morning pages. But this is a blast for you, too, huh?  Kidding.

I believe I’m about at two pages. I feel like this has been a good experiment for me. And I recommend it! I’ll tell you what: I feel so much lighter now that I’ve gotten some of that shit OUT!

And that’s the point.

Try it, he says. You might like it.

Reference: The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron

 

“You are what you pretend to be–so be careful about what you pretend to be.”

Kurt Vonnegut

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