LOVE: WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE
I know you want commitment. You want to know that if you open yourself up to me, fully, that I will give all of me to you. A fair proposition. And pre-supposition—for your love.
And I understand your sentiment.
But what if I told you that the I that I am—the I that you claim to love and want to love—would begin to shrivel up and die in this contractual web of love?
If you knew that soon, my life force, my vitality, would begin to slowly seep out of me, and the I that remains would be a hollow I, would you still want me to commit my love, my love?
Yet, for so many of us who love, this is the pre-condition.
You want my love? Then you must die for it.
Of course, those of us faced with this decision normally have no fore-sight that we are agreeing to sacrifice our I (otherwise, why would we do it); just as you have no idea that the one which you are asking to love you will only be an empty, depleted representation of love 5 years from now.
For this reason, I can’t commit to loving just you. Because I love me too much. (And would you really want me to love myself less to love you?)
How can I love you if I’m only 1/2 alive?
I can’t. I want to love you fully.
Do you (can you?) get the difference?
If your love is the death of me, we both die. We both become hard, rigid, and we stop flowing; we stop embodying the great RIVER of life that we indeed are.
I want your river to flow. I want the world to experience you as the wondrous flowing dynamic river of life, magic and love that you are.
So, if this is what your love requires, I can only say No—
because I love both of us too damn much.
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