Why Women Lie
Yesterday, I wrote about reasons why men lie. But there is a major difference between how men and women lie.
Men lie to women. Women lie to themselves.
Men lie for loads of reasons:
- not wanting to deal with your drama over a no biggie
- our backs are to the wall and all known escape routes are blocked
- we want to have our cake and eat it, too/two (reader’s choice)
Of course, I joke. Women lie to men all the time. But I’m not talking about those lies right now. That’s a top-secret world for which I don’t have the proper clearance (yet).
Social conditioning plays an unbelievably powerful role in shaping our lives–and our lies. Yet, it’s so ubiquitous that most of us are hardly aware of it.
(Granted, times they are a’changing. The millennials are re-writing how we do everything, and I’m excited to see what innovations they bring to how we do relationships.)
Let’s look at social conditioning and its influence on women, starting with the grand fairytale of them all.
I think Alison Armstrong does an amazing job of presenting this fairytale in the “Queen’s Code,” which she has developed to help women have more successful relationships.
Watch her video here:
Until someone comes along and pops your fairytale bubble, you’re not ready to be married.
Women who have been married and are now divorced know this pretty instinctively. They are on the other side of the fairytale. (Again, watch Alison’s video.) I think the main reason why the fairytale doesn’t work in reality is because the focus is on the wrong person: him.
In essence, your happiness, your whole life, is no longer in your hands; it’s based on what a man does or does not do for you. And that’s a recipe for disaster.
Many women will suffer through their marriage for a long time. The lucky ones learn this painful truth before they get married. Others have to get married, start a family and then wake up into a hell of not feeling loved the way they want to be loved.
Then, things become way more complicated: do I stay, though miserable, for the sake of the children? Some women also have to figure out how to make a living all over again.
It’s also very difficult to transform this kind of connection–let’s call it what it really is, this addiction–when you’re still in the relationship.
Men do women a favor by bursting their bubble early in life so that their future relationship can be a real one–and not based on 50 shades of fantasy.
A woman post-fantasy is a real woman.
A woman pre-fantasy is bound to wreak havoc in her relationship by judging her man’s every act by whether or not it upholds her fantasy.
The kicker: she’s not even aware that she’s doing it.
Until the bubble is popped, it’s going to be a wild ride.
Buckle up, Dorothy.
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