Published by admin on April 27, 2016

Shaken or Stirred: How Do You Like Your LOVE Served?


Some people like it black. Others with loads of sugar.

Then, there are the Starbucks people.

Grande, Iced, Sugar-Free, Vanilla Latte With Soy Milk, please.

My point: people have very specific ways they like their coffee.

And once they find the way they like it, they usually stick with it.

You rarely hear a Starbucks regular say, Hey, I’m feeling a little crazy today. How about a Cappuccino instead. 


As we age, when we find what we like, we usually keep choosing it.

And what about our beliefs about love?

Most of us grab ahold of a belief early in life, and it remains pretty stable until death do us part.

But sometimes people surprise you. I had a phone call with a friend of mine this morning.

She has been with her partner, off and on again, for a couple of years. He decided that he wanted another girlfriend–and her. So, she had a decision to make: do I stay with him? 

I’m sure that wasn’t an easy decision. For many of us, however, it would be an instant, awww, hell no. Followed by a swift, get the hell out.

Most of us wouldn’t even give it two seconds of thought.

But she loves this guy. Feels like he is her soulmate.

So, after a lot of heartache, pain, grieving, sadness and a month to think it over, she is opening up to the possibility of having a boyfriend who has another girlfriend.


Then, she said something that really floored me:

That’s my truth right now, but my truth might be different tomorrow.

(rewind tape)

Did you catch it?

That’s my truth right now, but my truth might be different tomorrow.

What makes this person amazing–to me–is that she is willing to entertain a position today that was inconceivable just yesterday.

Could you?


There are as many ways to do relationships as there are flavors of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream.



Yet, most of us don’t see many choices in our relationships.

The decision of how to do relationships was made for us a long time ago.

When I was 16, I never considered doing anything but going directly to college after high school.

It never occurred to me that other possibilities might exist:

  • getting a job as a lifeguard to work on my tan
  • working a season or two on a farm
  • taking a cross-country road trip with a friend
  • a million other things

Going straight to college wasn’t a decision that I made.

The decision was already made for me. Before I got there.

It was a given.

And if the decision was made for me, without my awareness of it being made, was it really a decision?

Ponder that one.

Similarly, although I’ve always been monogamous, I’ve never chosen monogamy. It was also always a given.

Like a fish swimming in water, we have been swimming in monogamy our whole lives. The fish doesn’t realize it’s in water because water is its whole world. Water is what’s given for the fish, just as monogamy is what’s given for us.

But sometimes a fish gets brave or creative or lucky. One day, with a tremendous thrust, it breaks through the surface of the water, and…

holy shit. Something different.


And, collapsing back into the ocean, they have a new relationship to water.

You might even say they are now aware of a new choice: to swim in water all day or to sometimes be fish-ass naked in the air.

Luckily, we humans have way more options.

Infinite options.

But it’s so easy to get comfortable and forget.


Where do you want to swim today?



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#choice#coffee#dating#fish#love#monogamy#nonmonogamy#open relationships#relationships#Starbucks#swimming
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