Real Talk 4 Men Dating Women
You’re dating someone you like. You can tell she’s into you. You’re into her, too. But you still have a few women that you’ve been working on the side.
To be fair: you knew these women before you met her.
So… you’re not really doing anything wrong by talking to them now. And it’s just a little flirting. No harm, no foul. Right?
And she definitely doesn’t need to know because… she would flip her shit if she did. She wouldn’t understand that you’re just having a little harmless fun; keeping it interesting.
But the problem is that this little lie goes way deeper than you think.
If you go to a chiropractor for a problem in your back, they may show you how it all stems from a problem in your knee. Your whole body is connected, and when one part of us is out of whack, it eventually causes the whole system to get messed up.
The same is true in our relationships.
In this case, our side games cause women’s natural intuition to rise, creating Defcon 4. They don’t know what’s going on, but they can tell you’re more distant.
Whereas you used to be really attentive, now she notices you on your phone, answering texts on the sly late at night.
You think you can keep your little game going. After all, it’s harmless. You’re only having a little fun. But she’s not stupid.
Now, your trust factor just went down.
And because your trust factor went down, she doesn’t feel as close to you.
And because she doesn’t feel as close to you, she’s doesn’t smile at you like she used to.
And instead of feeling close, lying next to each other after sex, you now feel an invisible wall has risen between you and her.
The problem is that your attention is constantly diverted in different directions. This world already has a ton of distractions. But you had to add more!
But why? Why do we, men, play with fire?
You think you know the answer, but you don’t. And I’m talking to BOTH men and women here:
Women think it’s just because many men are just bad news; men think it’s just because we like to keep it interesting.
But the truth goes way deeper, and to stop here there would be a disservice to men-at-large.
On a certain level, we’re scared because we don’t trust women. Our experience of women is that they say they want the truth, but once they get the truth, they lose their shit and rain down fire from on high.
In effect, men don’t have space to be honest with their women. So, we begin to just omit certain details to keep the peace.
Or so we think.
But the truth is that although women do lose their shit, it’s always only temporary.
In fact, women will love you for being honest with them–even when they don’t like what you’re telling them. After a little time, once their emotions have petered out, they will trust you and feel even closer to you than before they got angry–because you were being real with them. And that’s what they really want.
Women can stand that you make mistakes and act like an idiot. They can stand you saying outlandish shit that makes them really angry. But they can’t stand you not being honest.
And your relationship can’t withstand it, either.
And the women we’re talking to on the side have one thing in common: they’re not challenging us to go deeper. And that’s why we’re talking to them. Because we’re terrified of going deeper.
We’re terrified because it will take us to a place we’ve never gone before; a place we know next to nothing about.
Feelings/emotions: sadness, shame and insecurity–to name a few.
We’d rather hide them–stuff them way down–than actually let someone who cares about us know about it, so they might be able to be there for us.
We’re scared to let someone else in.
We’re scared because it’s a box we don’t want to explore; we don’t really want to know what’s inside. Especially with our woman!
We’re supposed to be the gender who has it together, right?
That’s one of the biggest lies with regard to relationships. We have come to believe that women want us to have our emotional shit together–all the time. But it’s not the case.
Because that entails putting on armor. And that armor creates distance. And that distance becomes a bonafide relationship killer.
It’s about being willing to open yourself up to exploring with another human being; to being penetrated by her presence just as much as you penetrate her with your cock.
It’s about opening up more and more to life. Because you’re either opening up or shutting down. There isn’t any safe place to hang-out (hide out?) in between.
And, as much as people–even many women–believe and perpetuate the lie, evolved women don’t want a fake version of strong. They want you open.
Because that’s where the good stuff is.
That’s where life happens.
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