Whence last we met, I was talking about my messy, non-linear life.
About the value of not waiting–but being in the thick of things. Surrendering completely to what is, and dropping the fear that if we don’t prepare for after, well, we won’t be prepared and our lives will go to shit.
Most of us don’t live like that.
And there is nothing wrong with living like that, per say. Your life will work out…
Just like in dating. You can be so consumed by the question of whether s/he is right for you, that you’re never truly with the person that you’re with. Kinda weird, if you think about it.
Or, we are already planning our exit strategy from the get-go. And when the time is right, we ghost our partner.
I came from Atlanta to Florida with nary a plan. I was going to focus on my writing career (impending one), but when I got here the writing didn’t flow. It brought me to some places of real anxiety and frustration.
However, I kept coming back to this: I feel sooooooooooooo good not living in Atlanta anymore. After 11 years, I was ready to be somewhere else, and so I don’t regret leaving, even in my moments of wtf am I doing down here.
I truly believe that most of the magic of life can’t be experienced unless we’re willing to live with ambiguity.
But that’s not how we roll.
WE WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
We want to have it all planned out:
Where we’ll go to college.
When we’ll get married.
How old we’ll be when we have children.
How many years our children will be spaced apart.
Where our children will go to school.
What kind of career we’ll have.
Where we’ll go on our next vacation.
Where we’ll stay each day on said vacation.
How much money we’ll have for our retirement.
Like I said, everything.
But it seems to me that life often throws some wrenches in our carefully manicured plans.
You know, like… DYING.
Or getting really ill.
Or our husband/wife getting really ill.
Or our son/daughter getting really ill.
Or falling off the ladder while cleaning the gutter.
Or losing our job.
Or getting transferred and having to move our family to a new city.
Or a new law.
Or getting cheated by someone in business.
Or drug/alcohol abuse.
Or domestic violence.
Or someone cheating on us.
Or someone close to us going to jail.
Or any of a number of fluke happenings that shake us from our cozy reality and throw us into a new, less certain one.
I’m not advocating that people choose chaos. I’m not advocating either extreme–chaos or having life all planned out.
What might we be missing by holding such a tight grip on our reality?
What might we gain by loosening our grip ever so slightly to include more room for mystery and not-knowing in our lives?
This kindred spirit, Shivya Nath, says it really well in an
article about her travel blog here.
To all those who subscribe to this blog and who read my work,
thank you. And if you feel so inspired, please share.