Tough Conversations You Won’t Have with Your Partner
I understand why you don’t want to talk about it.
I mean, your relationship is going “fine.” It’s been the best relationship you’ve had in a long time–maybe forever. Why rock the boat?
But… if you really get quiet, you can hear the echo of doubt lingering deep in the unexplored caverns of your subconscious: will this last forever? will s/he leave me? can I be faithful to this ONE person for the rest of my life?
When these thoughts do somehow reach the light of our awareness, we usually dismiss them, rapidly pushing them back into the darkness from whence they came.
Why?
We are creatures of comfort. We love safety. Being in a relationship is like being in the womb. Dark, wet. It’s like sex. When it’s good, it’s good; when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. The alternative is… being a-l-o-n-e.
We don’t want to share our deepest fears with our partner because, well, we think it will probably mark the end of our relationship–and we’re not ready for that.
But if you think about it, it’s pretty ironic: we’re scared to share our deepest thoughts, desires, and half-baked crazy ideas with someone because we think they may not stick around, yet… isn’t a “keeper” someone we can share it all with?
If you do share, and your partner does bolt, isn’t that a pretty good sign that it wasn’t a good relationship to begin with? Wouldn’t you want to know that sooner rather than later?
This is different than a “test.” Women love to test men and their level of commitment. This is not a test because it’s not some hypothetical scenario–it’s real. It’s being honest–really, really honest–with your partner (and most of all with yourself); not to see what they will do or how they will react, but because it’s something that is begging to be explored.
As a friend of mine once said, “Your mind is a bad neighborhood.” The longer you stay there, the worse it gets! If you’re always fighting your own thoughts, you’re probably wasting a lot of energy–and not very present in your relationship.
So, take the leap: SHARE!
Courage is the most important aspect of a relationship.
Otherwise, you’re just hiding–and hiding sucks.
Share and be happy. Your relationship will either fade away or it will grow stronger.
But at least you won’t be one of those sorry people who doesn’t have the guts to go after the kind of life–and relationship–they truly want.
Post inspired by the work of relationship expert, Alison Armstrong
www.alexobed.com
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
~Theodore Roosevelt