I was on a date tonight off of Tinder. It was only my second Tinder date.
“Date” may be too formal a word. It was more of a hang-out.
Yes, there was some flirting beforehand. Nothing major, though.
Let’s just say that a message I sent her using the audio-to-text feature created an interesting variation of “my clock is off.”
She enjoyed it.
Anyways, it was great. She’s super-cool, and I really had no expectations when we met.
She: recently divorced.
Me: recently out of a relationship.
She dug my online blog about loneliness and aloneness.
She could relate.
We talked a lot about relationships–our previous relationships.
Which is funny, if you think about it.
That’s usually taboo on dates.
You don’t talk about your past relationships, especially your most recent ones, on a first date.
But the beautiful thing about not looking for anything in particular is that it’s harder to be disappointed.
Without the constant internal noise of is this person right for me sloshing around in our heads, a new space for something different emerges:
who is this person?
what is she about?
what can I learn from her?
Just allow that to sink in for a moment.
It’s not a man and a woman grasping for something.
(Ok, perhaps I did grasp a little later in the evening, but I digress.)
It was two people coming together to share in a mystery.
We had a couple friends in common–a whole community of shared interests, in fact.
So it wasn’t like we had to worry about something to talk about.
We talked easily and effortlessly.
Compare that to normal online dating and first dates.
She told me that she would never marry again.
We talked about waking up, the Shaman Lover and slow sex.
We talked about big dreams and land and community.
There was a funny occurrence when we were talking about our Tinder experiences and the people that we were messaging back and forth.
As I passed her my phone to share with her the other women I was talking to
(when does THAT happen on a regular date?)
something hilarious happened.
As she was looking at my phone, I received a text from a married woman that I’m talking to and planning to meet who lives in Alabama.
It was wonderfully entitled, Boobs Wednesday.
She smiled, laughed, handed the phone back to me and said, “I think this is for you.”
We both cracked up.
(And, just in case you were wondering, the married woman is in an open marriage.)
We shared a bottle of wine together as we talked outside her studio.
It was a beautiful night.
We strolled around the area, looking to bum a cigarette, and finally found a woman visiting her daughter from New York who was smoking. After befriending her, she ended up going back upstairs and coming down with two smokes.
I had a pretty bad sinus headache, and my new friend gave me a shoulder massage until it went away.
After a walk, we came back to her studio.
She said, “what’s next?”
“Let’s make out,”
with a smile.
And that’s what we did.
We found a nice piece of grass outside and made out until she admitted that it felt more like a friend energy between us.
And that was that.
I made a new friend, had an interesting and fun evening and learned about some new topics that I want to delve into.
For an evening, we were both acting like teenagers again.
And it was fun!
We even got told by a security guard that we couldn’t smoke on the bench we were sitting on!
I’m on an adventure.
There are not too many rules.
Just a spirit of honesty, openness and fun.
I’m opening up and meeting amazing women who are opening up my world even more.
I am grateful.
More to come.